Members

Comics

John Blahnik (2010)

John is an ins

ecure man who belittles other people to compensate for low self-worth. He has realized that as long as he only focuses on the faults of others, he'll never see his own. He enjoys researching obscure indie rock bands, decorating his room with posters of modern art, and lying about having read classic novels. He wonders how much longer he can go through life pretending to know what a hedge fund is - he doesn't understand how so many people get rich through gardening.

Josh Rabinowitz (2010)

At a young age, Josh became enamored with complaining. He quickly became a vicious addict, complaining about everything from elementary school lunches to Velcro sneakers being itchy. Josh bitched to everyone he met until they became conscious of how irritating it was to listen to everything that annoyed him. People then stopped listening. Josh decided to complain to himself…but people stared. Desperate, Josh threw out one more complaint and his listener laughed. He realized that if he could make his complaints funny, he could whine at will and no one would know the better. Josh’s love of comedy was born. He also likes Chinese food.

Marisa Riley (2010)

Marisa takes

a lot of pride in being a tourguide at Penn. She likes answering questions perkily such as where to get a good philly cheesesteak, what percentage of students live on campus, and are engineering students really segregated from the rest of campus because they are the smallest of the four undergraduate schools (Jim’s, 55%, its not the size of the school that segregates them but their complete lack of social skills). Her favorite part of tours is alleviating fear that any parent has about crime on campus. So when a mother said, “well what if my daughter is walking down the street and there is a shooting? I don’t want my baby to be assassinated!” Marisa replies, “Oh that would not happen! You’re daughter is not important enough to be ‘assassinated’; she would just be murdered”. Marisa is also in Simply Chaos.

Joe Romito (2010)

In the begin

ning there was nothing then it exploded. Billions of years later Joe Romito ate a cheese steak, coincidence? Joe was born in Philadelphia and as the son of a caterer has been trained to eat all the food. When not eating he works on memorizing the Internet. Joe has recently realized that he says everything with such conviction that no one can tell if he is lying, “the pineapple was declared most dangerous fruit in a controversial decision at the 1918 meeting of the League of Nations.” Fun facts: Joe can eat a cheese-steak with out using his hands; its impossible for you to lick your elbow but not for Joe. Joe is an English major.

Brian Brauntuch (2011)

Brian grew up in a pile of trash in New Jersey. He spent his high school years transforming from a Backstreet Boy wannabe into a narcissistic guido. As bitter as they come, Brian once rode the merry-go-round at Busch Gardens for 3 hours just to see if anyone would notice. They didn’t. Brian will always be there for you when you are in need…of drinks. His role as marketing consigliere for Penndrinks.com has taught him one thing about Ivy League students: they’re lazy. Brian’s other hobbies include sports, music and lamp.

Oren Lavie (2011)

Born and raised on the mean streets of Chicago's North Shore, Oren is excited for another semester in the safety of West Philadelphia. Oren showers regularly and may even be considered sexy – with the right amount of backlight. When not performing stand up, one can find Oren feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, and giving sight to the blind. Oren does not hesitate to tell others that modesty is his greatest quality, and those of us

at Simply Chaos wholeheartedly agree.

David Agyekum (2012)

David is a freshman. His biggest fears are heights, social rejection and Philadelphian Squirrels. On numerous occasions squirrels have stolen David’s lunch and his sense of security. Penn’s squirrels are one of the few things a rape whistle can’t protect him from, including rape. David’s personal heroes include Denzel Washington, Nelson Mandela and the Trix Rabbit.

Zack Bell (2012)

Zack is a freshman. He also enjoys Fresh Grocer. Coincidence? He landed in Simply Chaos after being cut from the Philly Swingers dance troupe, when during the final audition he mistook the instructor's directions to "do the lindy hop" as "do the Carlton…repeatedly." He is from Connecticut, but does not know 50 Cent personally, only through business transactions. He enjoys sweatpants.

Adam Hamilton (2012)

My name is Adam. I'm your biggest fan.

McLean Baran (2013)

McLean is a freshman. He was born at a very early age. He likes being sassy and he finds gummy worms orgasmic. He will do almost anything for free food. Despite his drab, monotone voice, he actually is not a robot. In his free time, he always uses sarcasm to confuse people.

Siraj Iqbal (2013)

Hi. I'm Siraj.

Jackie Koehn (2013)

Hi. I'm Jax.

Business Staff

Jenny Friedman (2010)

Jenny Friedman is a junior from Miami, Florida. She has a good sense of humor and loves comedy shows; in fact, she became involved in Simply Chaos by going to shows and eventually meeting Simply Chaos member Josh Rabinowitz who got her involved; immediately she felt at home in the group, even though her comedic suggestions are always found as not funny by all members. Her favorite comedy show is "Stella," which includes her favorite comics, Michael Showalter, Michael Ian Black, and David Wain.

Margo Slaff (2013)

Hi. I'm Margo.

Simply Chaos

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